How to Ride a Dinosaur Without Getting Eaten (Kind of)

(Or, “Max’s Guide to Becoming the Ultimate Dino Rider”)

“Max, you can’t be serious,” Jake said, looking up from his game as I came up with the most ridiculous idea I had in ages. “You want to ride a dinosaur?”

I grinned. “Why not? It’s not like I’m planning to ride a T-Rex—but there are some dinosaurs that could probably let me hitch a ride. I just need the right strategy.”

Sam overheard and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, sure. And I’m the queen of the dinosaurs.”

“You are a queen in your own right,” I said with a wink, “but seriously, this is important. Imagine riding a dinosaur. Think of the history. I could even get the perfect shot for my photo collection.”

Jake snorted. “And you wouldn’t get eaten? Right.”

I shrugged. “It’s all about the right dinosaur, the right technique, and—uh—avoiding the T-Rex.”

Step 1: Choose Your Dinosaur Wisely

The first rule of dino-riding is simple: don’t pick a predator.
If you want to survive, riding something that can eat you isn’t exactly a good idea. Carnivores, like T-Rex or Velociraptor, might look cool, but they’re not exactly the kind of dinosaur you want to trust with your life. They’re fast, aggressive, and will definitely try to make you their lunch.

Herbivores: The Rideable Giants

If you’re serious about riding a dinosaur, you want a herbivore. These are the gentle giants that don’t want to eat you for dinner.

• Triceratops: This three-horned beauty might not be the easiest to ride (those horns can get in the way), but it’s a sturdy dinosaur and doesn’t usually go on the attack unless it feels threatened.
• Ankylosaurus: With its armored body and clubbed tail, this dinosaur is built for defense, not offense. It’s not the fastest, but it’s tough and wouldn’t mind having someone hitch a ride on its back.
• Brachiosaurus: A towering giant with a long neck, it’s hard to miss. It might take a little climbing to get up there, but once you’re on top, you can enjoy the view. The best part? It spends its days munching leaves and wouldn’t even notice you.

Bonus Pick: The Gallimimus

Okay, Gallimimus isn’t exactly a good “riding” dinosaur—it’s just too small. But if you’re looking for a dino to follow along with at high speed, this is your choice. These speedy little guys could run faster than any predator and would be awesome in a race. But don’t try riding them—they might not be built for that!

Step 2: Get the Right Equipment

Let’s face it: trying to hop on a dinosaur bareback is not only dangerous but pretty uncomfortable. You need some gear if you’re planning to make it work. Here’s what you’ll need:

1. A Sturdy Saddle

This is probably the most important part of the whole process. You need a saddle that’s built to withstand the weight of a dinosaur and keep you secure. Think about the size of the dinosaur you’re riding! You’re going to need something huge and durable.

• Pro Tip: A harness might work better for smaller dinosaurs like Gallimimus or Protoceratops. A full-on saddle with stirrups is better for the bigger herbivores, like Brachiosaurus.

2. Safety Gear

A helmet is non-negotiable. Dinosaur rides can get bumpy, and you need to protect your head. Plus, the bigger the dinosaur, the higher the risk of falling off. You’ll want some padding and knee guards too in case of a fall.

3. Communication Tools

Dinosaurs might not speak your language, but they can communicate. Learn how to read body language and maybe carry a whistle or a signal to communicate with your dinosaur. You might not be able to give it commands, but you can at least let it know if you need to stop or turn.

Step 3: Mounting Your Dinosaur

This is the tricky part. How exactly do you get up on a massive creature like a Brachiosaurus? It’s not like just hopping on a horse.

• Step 1: Make sure the dinosaur is calm. No sudden movements.
• Step 2: If you’re riding a big dinosaur like Brachiosaurus, you’ll likely need a rope ladder or some sort of elevated platform to help you climb up. This part is tricky and dangerous, so you’ll want to make sure your dinosaur is distracted and not moving too much.
• Step 3: For smaller dinosaurs, like Gallimimus, you’ll probably be able to mount them like a normal horse. Just make sure you’re not scaring them!

Step 4: Staying On (And Not Getting Thrown Off)

Once you’re on, you’ve got to make sure you don’t fall off. Riding a dinosaur is a bit like riding a wild horse—except this “horse” could be as big as a house and move way faster than you’d think.

1. Hold On Tight

If your dinosaur starts running, holding on tight is your only option. A good grip will keep you in place, especially when they start moving at top speed.

2. Read Your Dinosaur

You’ve got to be able to tell what your dinosaur is thinking. A nervous shuffle, a flick of the tail—these are all signs it might not be happy about you on its back. Know when to slow down or give it some space.

3. Keep Your Balance

If your dinosaur is climbing or jumping, like a Protoceratops or Hypsilophodon, it’s a good idea to have a secure grip and stay low to the ground. Don’t stand up—this isn’t a circus act. Stay low, bend your knees, and move with the dinosaur’s rhythm.

Jake’s Reaction

“So wait, you’re saying you could just, like, hop on a T-Rex if it were herbivorous?” Jake asked, clearly intrigued but skeptical.

“Yeah, if I ever find one that’s into that kind of thing,” I said, smirking. “But for now, Ankylosaurus is more my speed. Less biting, more chilling.”

Sam looked at me, shaking her head. “I think I’d rather draw them than ride them. They’re way safer on paper.”

Sam’s Insight

“I mean, this sounds crazy, but I can see how it would work,” Sam said, sketching a Brachiosaurus with a tiny rider perched on top. “I’d definitely need a ladder to get up there, though.”

“Right?” I said, grinning. “That’s the trick! Once we’ve got that figured out, we’ll be unstoppable.”

Field Notes From Max

• Biggest Surprise: Realizing that with the right strategy, riding a dinosaur isn’t impossible!
• Coolest Discovery: How much planning goes into riding a giant herbivore—saddle, safety gear, and patience.
• What’s Next: Maybe I’ll track down a safer, smaller dino to test out my theory. Stay tuned!

Riding a dinosaur may sound impossible, but with the right plan, the right gear, and the right dino, it could be the adventure of a lifetime. Just remember to choose wisely, be prepared, and, most importantly, don’t try this with a carnivore!🦖🐾